The Under 5 Feet Tall Survival Guide

by Teresa Yang

Like everyone else this past year, I’ve met a lot of people solely through Zoom. According to some of them, I don’t have “short person energy,” so it’s a shock when I tell them that I stand at the impressive height of 4’9’’ — before you ask, yes, I can ride roller coasters!

Being short (okay, really short) has basically become a personality trait. I’m not necessarily proud of that, but it makes for some hilarious jokes at my expense. So here I am, telling you all my tips and tricks for surviving in a world meant for normal-sized people, all the while giving my friends more material for their roasts. I should’ve chosen another topic…

Grocery stores

If you can avoid it, don’t go to the grocery store by yourself. Bring at least one friend who’s 5’3’’ or taller, so they can get the stuff on the top shelf for you. If you do find yourself alone, I would not recommend climbing on lower shelves to reach higher ones. For one, you might break the shelf. Also, if you fall, it will be very public humiliation. At that point, swallow your pride and ask the nice (tall) old man next to you to hand you what you need.

Hugs

Be prepared to go onto your tiptoes when giving hugs. If the person you’re hugging is taller than 5’5’’, chances are that your face will end up directly in their chest. Not a problem with guys, but with girls…it’s better to just move your face a little higher up.

Concerts

It’s generally considered bad etiquette to try to shove your way to the front at a concert, since the crowd is meant to follow a first-come-first-serve policy. This rule does not apply to short people. Shove as hard as you want, and make sure people notice you. When they realize how far down they need to tilt their head to see you, they’ll automatically feel sympathetic and let you go in front of them. Works every time.

Walking

Train yourself to walk fast. You might not need this skill every day, but one day you’ll find yourself walking with a 6-foot giant and realize that one of their strides is 5 of yours. It’s good to have this training down so that you can keep up without being embarrassingly out of breath.

Sinks

If any of us ever end up using a public bathroom again, you might find yourself reaching towards the mirror to use the soap dispenser. If this is like most public bathrooms, the counter surrounding the sink will have water all over it. And if your arms are extraordinarily short, you’ll find that getting soap can be an extraordinarily difficult task. Make sure to keep your torso as upright as possible, or you’ll find yourself with a very wet shirt.

Apartments

Bring a stool when you move in. Bring more than one. Keep one in every room.

Driving

There is so much more space between you and the car in front of you than you think. It’s hard to see literally anything given that you have no vantage point whatsoever, but generally, you can afford to scoot a lot closer. Also, have the tallest person of the group sit behind you. The driver’s seat will have to be scooted up so far that they’ll have plenty of leg room.

Group Photos

Don’t wait around for the photographer to tell you where to stand. If you automatically move to the front row, probably the middle, you’ll save everyone some time.

Jeans

You probably won’t find a pair short enough. Just cuff them.

Hair

Don’t keep it too long, or keep it at least partially tied back. People seem to think you’re a walking, talking armrest, so hair will get yanked and caught on sleeves :(

Bed

If you’re staying in a small apartment or a dorm room, you might find yourself lacking storage space. When I was a freshman living in a Unit 1 triple, I had trouble figuring out where to stick my backpack. That was when I learned that the foot of your bed can hold a decent amount of things if your legs don’t extend very far.

Heels

Wear them or don’t, it doesn’t really matter because you’ll look short anyway. The key here is this: don’t let your friends wear heels!! Especially your friends who are already tall. Your brunch date will end up looking more like babysitting, which is unfortunate for both of you.

Working with kids

On the topic of babysitting…for those of you who might not know, I’ve been involved in SWE Outreach for a long time now. More than one middle school student has approached me and very rudely told me, “Wow! I’m as tall as you!” Zoom outreach has been fantastic. There’s no real advice here, just a word of warning that kids are mean.

I didn’t think it was possible to write so much about being short, but here we are! I hope you got at least a nice chuckle from this post — maybe it was even enlightening for those of you who have to endure hitting your heads on silly things like tree branches. Hope the air is nice up there!